The L Word

My favorite time with Stacy is bed time. We have the best pillow talk ever. Usually, we stay up long after we're supposed to be sleep just chatting and laughing until 1am and then I wake up in the morning exhausted and having to go to work. Now, I'm not sure whose fault is is but I suppose it;s mine. However, him acting as a willing participant, I guess he's a little at fault too.

So this particular night we were going to bed when he randomly said "You know I care for you, right?"

Now, have you ever said something so quickly without thinking and immediately wanted to take it back. Well, I did. I blurted, "Well, I don't know why."

He turned away, "Why do you always do that? you don't believe me when I tell you these things. It's almost like you feel like you don't deserve it or something"

Great way to hit the hammer on the nail.

He finished, "Makes me so mad."

All I could do was apologize but there was no good explanation. There's nothing I could say to explain to him why I didn't believe him without summoning a psychologist.  So I just apologized. I attempted to say that it's hard for me because I didn't know why he liked me. And that's true. I wasn't his type at all, yet we were together. Stacy was really active and pretty much fit and I knew he previously been with all thin women. It would have been different if he was chubby or at least was a chubby chaser but he wasn't... and that made me feel extremely insecure.

 He responded with, "You're not usually my type but I like you despite that".
At least he was being honest, but he was still upset. At this point he was turned away from me and wouldn't let me touch him. He was having a moment.
"I dont want you to feel that I dont care about you because that the opposite of how I want you to feel. I need you to trust me."

So I kept apologizing while he turned away and was silent. Then finally he said "It's OK".
"I want to tell you something but it's hard to say"
"What is it? Tell me." I asked.

After going back and forth for a couple minutes about what he wanted to tell me, I couldn't figure out if it was good or bad. Stacy's so easy going most of the time that he's a hard person to read. I never know what he wants because he never asks for anything and I never know how he feels because he rarely shows any strong emotion. He's always... chill. So at this point, I hadn't a clue what the hell he wanted to say.

 he finally said,

"I...love you."

OMG.